Why Do Most Movie Remakes/Prequels/Sequels Suck?!

It seems that these days there are a lot of movies being either remade with more up to date graphics or as a prequel/sequel to a film that was released several years ago.  You would think that with the advancements in technology that these new movies would be much improved from their originals, however many of them sadly fall short.  Here are my thoughts on some of these new movies that clearly don't live up to the classic originals. 

Remake: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
I feel the need to go on record to say that I love Johnny Depp and have enjoyed nearly all of his films.  He is one of the great actors of our era and has left behind many infamous portrayals of beloved characters for their quirky and often odd idiosyncrasies and the one I am about to mention certainly fits these criteria.  In "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" Johhny Depp plays Willy Wonka who is entrepreneur in the sweets industry selling a large variety of intriguing and unique candies.  I won't go into more detail about the plot because, honestly, if you have not seen this movie or at least the original "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory", then you may as well stop reading this and go to your Netflix queue because you have some new movies to add.  Gene Wilder played the original Willy Wonka and was fabulous.  He is also the actor to give us such great performances in hits such as Blazing Saddles and Young Frankenstein.  Johnny Depp, while providing an odd take on the well known character, does a great job at what he does best and yet it falls incredibly short with me because it is just too odd. 

 

Maybe I am being too harsh on Johnny but I like my Willy Wonka to be warm, able to sing a good song and lovable with a tendency to snap at any instance just to make sure he has your attention.  In the newest version of this movie I found myself just thinking of how much I would rather be watching the original.  And don't get me started on the Oompa Loompas.  I know the director was trying something fresh with one actor playing all the miniature workers in the factory but again, too over the top and not as good as those orange faced, green haired, white overall wearing, rhyming in unison geniuses from the classic.   

Prequel: The Thing
My family has satellite TV but due to being a one income family we have a pretty basic package.  So when I saw that we had a free weekend preview of one of the major movie channels I decided to record as many movies as I could that looked interesting.  One of these titles was "The Thing" which is essentially a prequel to the original which came out in 1982 starring Kurt Russell.  This film is about a team of scientists that find an alien life form in the middle of nowhere buried deep down in the ice.  They dig it out, they find out it's not dead, they instinctively try and kill it before being killed, the bad ass American saves the day...you know the story. 

I have several issues with the new version compared to the original.  First of all, why would anyone try and remake a classic movie starring Kurt Russell?  It would certainly not live up to his on screen brilliance!  I say this with some sarcasm because he is typically the sort of hero that is a bit goofy at times, provides some humor, then demolishes anything in his path.  For more references on this look up "Big Trouble In Little China" and you'll understand.  There is the stereotypical American however the actor does not do the film as much justice as Kurt once did and is much less believable.  The next issue is the graphics.  Back in the 80's they didn't have all the fancy computer graphic capabilities as they do now and in many cases is worked out for the better.  This is definitely one of them.  In the original movie the alien would take on these grotesque forms that were models used in the actual footage of each scene.  This made for a much more realistic viewing of the movie and likely an easier way for the actors to display their fear.  In the new movie it seems as though the graphics department has gone in and added these creepy flares after the fact and it makes the whole experience a drag if you have already seen the original. 

Sequel: Teen Wolf Too
Is there anything greater than watching a young Michael J. Fox surf on top of a moving van while doing a hand stand through the suburbs...and he's a werewolf?  Of course there is, a young Michael J. Fox dominating high school basketball due to his new found talents from being a werewolf, since all of them are obviously ballers, and everyone being cool with it.  Well the original "Teen Wolf" had both of these great cinematic moments including a scene in which an overweight character named "Chubby" is at a party and gets to, as part of a game, root around for jello with his face in an attractive young woman's top...and again, everyone is cool with it. 

Whoever pitched "Teen Wolf Too"  must have been out of their mind to submit a movie idea that would be released just two years from the original, without its original star, keeping only some minor characters for humor such as Chubby and Stiles (who was played by a different actor that was much less believable) and to focus this whole plot around the cousin of the original teen wolf.  Possibly the only smart decision in this sequel was to cast Jason Bateman as the new teen wolf.  Jason Bateman has since gone on to star in many comedy sitcoms and movies.  As for Chubby and Stiles, well they will simply live on in the glory days of 80's cinema.  

Images taken from the following sites respectively: http://movies.zap2it.com/movies/charlie-and-the-chocolate-factory/photo-gallery-detail/36068/66818, http://www.slantmagazine.com/film/review/willy-wonka-and-the-chocolate-factory/4549, http://www.film.com/movies/review-the-thing, http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/filmblog/2011/nov/22/my-favourite-film-the-thing, http://www.film.com/movies/1987-bad-movies, http://lollyjones.blogspot.com/2011/12/being-l-lone-wolf-in-l-l-london-town.html